Supporting Children Who Have Witnessed Domestic Violence

Domestic violence has an incredible impact on everyone in its wake. According to Connections for Abused Women and Their Children (CAWC), a Chicago-based nonprofit organization, somewhere between 3.3 and 10 million children witness domestic violence each year. This trauma can result in depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues. 

Amy Duffy, PhD, NCC, LPC, LCMHCS, CCTP, has specialized in treating individuals who have been exposed to trauma, including domestic violence.  

Children can struggle to communicate their emotions after witnessing domestic violence in their family. This typically stems from fear, denial, loyalty, or self-blame. However, Dr. Duffy offers specific behaviors counselors can watch for in order to approach treatment accordingly. 

“Children who have witnessed domestic violence often show signs of anxiety and depression. Children may withdraw, isolate, refuse to participate in activities they once enjoyed, or regress to an earlier developmental stage, such as toileting or even getting dressed,” says Dr. Duffy. 

Adolescents tend to display an increase in opposition, defiance, and risk-taking behaviors as coping mechanisms, according to Dr. Duffy.  

“These adolescents are often overlooked and seen as ‘bad,’ rather than as children who are suffering,” cautions Dr. Duffy. 

Dr. Duffy emphasizes individualizing each case when working with children, although there are a few foundational approaches to consider.  

“Counselors should first allow space for the child to love both the victim and the perpetrator,” says Dr. Duffy. “Demonstrate your unconditional positive regard and nonjudgment, but at the same time, provide psychoeducation on effective communication, healthy relationships, boundaries, and anger management.” 

Dr. Duffy also utilizes embodiment practices, where the physical body is incorporated into the healing process. 

“Mindfulness, body scans, breath work, and guided meditation are great tools when working with children and can be easily modified depending on their developmental stage,” states Dr. Duffy. “Tapping into their senses, e.g., what they see, smell, or touch that helps them feel safe, is also helpful.” 

Dr. Duffy finds art therapy, play therapy, equine-assisted therapy, and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) to be highly effective with children, too.  

Dr. Duffy recommends what counselors should avoid when working with children who have witnessed domestic violence. First and foremost, do not rush the process. 

“The biggest mistake I see counselors make is attempting to process the trauma too early. The body must be prepared, and the necessary supports and resources in their environment must be present before processing can begin,” advises Dr. Duffy. “The family unit needs ample time to stabilize, and counselors need to practice ample patience.” 

In addition, counselors who possess limited knowledge of domestic violence need to educate themselves in the vast ways one can experience it. 

Dr. Duffy encourages allowing the child to guide counseling sessions as often as possible. While she may meet with the offending and non-offending adults separately for information gathering purposes, treatment should always begin with the child individually. This builds rapport. 

“As the child begins to learn coping skills, I assist them in teaching their parent(s) the skills they learned and will be practicing at home. I include the non-offending parent or other support persons when appropriate and only when desired by the child, says Dr. Duffy.” 

Dr. Duffy reminds us that the legal system often dictates how the offending parent is included in counseling.  

“Since those governing the legal system are typically not experts in developmental trauma, this rarely benefits a child and can unfortunately pose delays in healing,” says Dr. Duffy. 

To combat such challenges, Dr. Duffy recommends focusing on creating a safe space for the child in their counseling sessions to ensure they feel safer at home. For example, help them create a written safety plan with numbers for emergency contacts and crisis services.  

Ultimately, Dr. Duffy feels that fostering a strong counselor–client relationship and maintaining confidentiality boundaries with children is of utmost importance.  

“A counselor’s first and top priority should be to become a trusted adult in the child’s life. This may require the counselor to step outside their traditional role to ensure their client’s basic needs are being met in the home. Again, don’t rush the process, and choose your words wisely,” concludes Dr. Duffy.  

Amy E. Duffy, PhD, NCC, LPC, LCMHCS, CCTP is the owner of Amy E. Duffy, PLLC, in Washington, D.C. and Raleigh, North Carolina, and has worked in the mental health field for 19 years, specializing in trauma, sexual violence, and gender-based violence. Much of Dr. Duffy’s professional work includes the application of feminist theory as well as antiracist and multicultural competencies. Dr. Duffy’s clinical work focuses on the neurological effects that exposure to trauma can have, as well as the mind and body connection. Dr. Duffy is a strong proponent for those working in the mental health field to actively step outside traditional psychological theory to advocate for individuals in matters of social justice. 

Dr. Duffy received her PhD in education leadership, policy, and human development from North Carolina State University, her MA in counselor education from North Carolina Central University, and her BA in psychology from North Carolina State University. Dr. Duffy is a regular volunteer at Triangle Abortion Access Coalition, where she is a patient escort, and resides on the Board of Directors for Lillian’s List, working to protect reproductive freedom and equity for women.  

In her free time, Dr. Duffy enjoys traveling, yoga, and spending time with her horse, Cochise. 

**Opinions and thoughts expressed in NBCC Visions Newsletter articles belong to the interviewees and do not necessarily reflect the opinions or practices of NBCC and Affiliates.